The Problem with Being the “Good One”

From sexuality to migration, respectability politics turns dignity into a conditional privilege - and I’m done jumping for it.

“I don’t mind gay guys – as long as they don’t make a pass at me, ha ha,” and “but you’re one of the good gays – you couldn’t even tell by looking at you” are two things I’ve heard more times than I can count over the past 39 years.

They’re said with a smile. Maybe even a wink. What they’re really saying, of course, is: I’ve measured you against a set of…