Sir Michael Take, MP for Common Sense and Conkers
He’s not real. But he’s realer than most of them. A joyful, absurd, and occasionally terrifying conversation with Britain’s most believable fake politician.
It takes a special kind of person to become a Tory MP - and arguably, an even more special kind of person to pretend to be one so convincingly that the Daily Mail reports your quotes as fact. Especially when those quotes involve defending sewage discharges as “perfectly safe” or declaring war on wrap music and training socks.
Sir Michael Take - moustachioed, blustering, moth-fearing scourge of Mumsnet - could very easily be the alter ego of Alex Armstrong, a man whose parody of an unhinged Conservative backbencher has, at times, been indistinguishable from the real thing. Which is sort of the point. In an age where Mark Francois and Lee Anderson roam unchecked and free with apparently no inhibitions or visible karmaic consequence, it doesn’t take much exaggeration to cross the line from parody to plausible.
And yet, what Sir Michael offers isn’t just parody - it’s also a bit of a diagnosis. In a United Kingdom where actual MPs can be suspended for betting on election dates, defending raw effluent as economic policy, or claiming to have been radicalised by their own HR departments, his version of reality is often only marginally more absurd. Which, in my mind, is exactly what makes it work.
He is both mirror and magnifying glass - a way of looking at British politics that makes the madness feel at least a little bit funny.
In this exclusive Bearly Politics interview, Sir Michael shares his thoughts on satire, sourdough, the strange allure of nostalgia, and which politicians secretly enjoy being mocked by a fictional colleague. You’ll laugh. You’ll wince. You’ll definitely find yourself agreeing with the man.
You’ve managed to fool quite a few people into thinking you’re a real Tory MP. What’s the secret to being more believable than the actual MPs in the House of Commons?
By being more bigoted and self pompous than our current crop of MPs. The public today are used to incompetent & boastful MPs so one who goes over the top (such as myself) is no real surprise and catches the public’s eye if he really comes out with an outrageous comment!
I also resemble a rather arrogant politician which adds to my cunning. I’m also useful at bluster and outrage something extremely common amongst today’s crop of MPs. Add my beard, giant conkers and a regiment al tie and voila you have a most believable representative of the people.
If people can accept Mark Francois & Lee Anderson as MPs then they’ll definitely believe me! I also smell of hazelnut and Lyme Regis which also helps.
Is satire still sharp, or has it become just another flavour of the discourse soup? Do you think political absurdity has made parody harder - or easier?
Satire is still sharp and if it is effective it can really call into question the effectiveness of political decisions. It can also bring a sense of relief as it brings a level of humour (hopefully) that can lighten the burden brought about by poor political judgement . Whatever era satire has operated in, it has always had to have a link with reality. Whatever type of government and whether we live in a time of war, peace, uncertainty or absurdity, satire will exist because everything and everybody can be ridiculed to a certain extent.
I see satire as an irritating itch in the dark crevices of political ego.
What’s your proudest moment of being taken seriously by someone who really, really shouldn’t have? (If there’s a particular journalist or politician who bit, please do name names. For posterity of course)
I think my fooling The Daily Mail and being put in one of their news reports was my finest hour.
The fact that their journalistic checks were bloody useless amused me immensely! I made a ridiculous comment about sewage being safely dispersed on an empty beach free of tourists and I was quoted by the Mail genuinely referring to me as an ex Tory MP. Delightful in the sense that obvious parody was accepted as fact by one of our most popular newspapers!
I was later delighted to see myself being seriously discussed in The Guardian. This gave me a real boost but also made me giggle too.
I was also quoted in all seriousness by Jeremy Vine on his Channel 5 morning show. I did ‘sniggle’ at the fact a tweet of mine was considered a basis for some serious debate on prime time daytime TV!
Bunty features prominently in your work. How would you describe her political philosophy - and does she support strawberry and cream sandwiches on moral grounds?
Bunty is my rock. Slightly craggy and dry but firm and supportive like a good truss. A true Conservative woman afraid of anything that threatens her secure domesticity. She loathes Mumsnet, young women with leg tattoos and tanning salons.
I’m afraid she is a long suffering Conservative wife who has had to forgive many of my indiscretions and outbursts. And yes I’m sure she supports strawberry and cream sandwiches, wrap music, Chaka Demus & Pliers and training socks…but secretly!
Her and Jill, who runs our village shop, are the sort of women who if they put their mind to any task will eventually blame chaps like me for its failure.
If you could bring back one thing from the 1950s, and send one thing from now into a skip, what would they be? (Feel free to go beyond fashion and Bovril, unless that is the answer.)
Of course I would love to bring back National Service from the 1950’s. Young people today are all drug taking socialists who stab people and listen continuously to drill, chisel & punk rock on their apple earbutts. A bit of bloody discipline, lots of saluting and virginity and hey presto problem solved!
As for sending something into the skip from today I’d probably get rid of artisan sourdough. It’s destroying lives and encouraging people to meet up in Islington eateries and talk about nonsense such as Pilates and pelvic floors.
What do you make of the “anti-woke” brigade? Do you think they realise how camp they are?
The anti woke brigade is a broad church ranging from those who are bewildered by ‘woke’ right through to out and out bloody fascists who are politically insane and hate everybody and everything. Attitudes both pro and anti woke are so easy to satirise and are God’s gift to me!
For instance the mere mention of cinnamon flavoured chai latte and the battle lines are drawn!
Has a real MP ever slid into your DMs to say “I agree with you entirely, Sir Michael”? And if not – which one do you suspect secretly wishes they could?
I think it would be unwise and unfair to mention DMs from MPs. Let’s just say I have had a fair few! Let’s also say there are a number of MPs who understand what I’m up to. Included amongst those are ex SNP MP John Nicholson and Stephen Kinnock who particularly get it. On the Tory side I must mention Michael Fabricant who despite me often mercilessly mocking him has happily retweeted me and I rather think gets what I’m up to as well.
Nice messages from James O’Brien and Carol Vorderman have always encouraged me. I always think the MPs I mock yet never block me on Twitter have a modicum of decency. However the MPs and personalities who simply block me on social media because of a witty comment at their expense have lost the battle as far as I’m concerned!
Some of your most effective satire plays on nostalgia – rewriting the “good old days” into absolute nonsense. Why do you think so many people cling to a fictional past, and how dangerous does that tendency get?
I think it’s natural for people to hark back to the good old days. It offers security and often fond memories. People tend to remember the good times. They forget the bad times. It’s so bloody easy to ridicule the good old days because they weren’t that great!
Let’s try and embrace the future with hope, moisture and a good bottle of vintage claret.
What’s the worst headline you could plausibly imagine being real in 2025? (Or has The Telegraph already published it?)
“Reform to form new government after snap election.”
That’s the one that terrifies me!
“Swarms of devil moths invade Clacton.”
I kind of like that one.
“New Trainer Sock Tax to raise billions.”
This could come into operation the way taxes for everything seem to be suggested at the moment!
I could go on…
10. Finally, what advice would you give to someone who wants to satirise politics in this age of absurdity – but finds that real life keeps beating them to the punchline? If your satire isn’t quite hitting the mark because of this age of absurdity…add a bit of surrealism.
“The nonsensical is awfully effective if you use it…” so said Lennie Peters of Peters and Lee on a BBC Summertime Special in 1976. (Allegedly) Oh and never forget to mention the moths!
And so, we return to the original question: how is it that a fictional man, perpetually outraged by tattoos, sourdough, and wrap music, can feel more grounded in reality than the actual MPs who clog our newsfeeds and policy briefs?
Perhaps it’s because Sir Michael Take doesn’t shy away from the absurd - he luxuriates in it. He’s not parodying politics from the outside; he’s inhabiting it so convincingly that even the Daily Mail mistakes him for the real thing. And in doing so, he holds up not just a funhouse mirror to Westminster, but a warning flare. Because when the actual news reads like sketch comedy, satire becomes more than comic relief - it becomes a kind of civic sanity. A way to puncture the performance with clarity.
It’s oddly comforting, too. Like finding a gin and tonic tinny from M&S in the glove compartment of a hearse. Or realising that, even as British politics descends into ever more tragicomic farce, there’s still someone out there willing to fight the good fight against training socks and unsanctioned sourdough.
Sir Michael may not hold a seat in Parliament - but if he did, you could imagine him on Question Time next Thursday, blaming millennials for the death of marmalade while Bunty fumes quietly off-camera, drafting a letter to The Telegraph about the infiltration of Pilates into polite society.
And somehow, it would make more sense than most of what we hear from the real ones.
Just keep an eye on the moths. They’re getting bolder.
Sir Michael is an absolute joy, and some of the replies to his posts are hilarious!
Sir Mick Take is a delightful part of the political scene with his incisive and cutting observations and commentary. My favourite former MP alongside my favourite current MP, the wonderful Rosie Holt!!