I wish you good luck for this new job & what it will bring to you.
I really do understand that place you're in right now, for exactly the same reasons as yourself I found myself breathing a bit easier and felt as though an invisible weight had dropped from my shoulders when my mother died.
I'm very aware as you will be that it sounds callous to most other people but I just think over the years you have to develop an emotional detachment to survive.
Relief is not a word I would have thought of, but with the anniversary of my mother's death last Friday, it is still one which accurately describes how I felt 9 years later. Thankfully, unlike your father she was a wonderfully supportive mom, but the last decade of her life were not good, and particularly the last couple of years were hard for my sister and I (more so my sister). During those last couple of years there were plenty of conversations between myself and my sister about mom, with quite a number not being particularly complimentary, as her illness progressed and her condition deteriorated.
At the end of March 2017 she was diagnosed with inoperable cancer of the duodenum and spent her last week in Arrowe Park hospital, passing away in a side room late in the afternoon of the 6th. A moment in life that I will never forget, partly because her final moment were horrible, but mainly because the moment she passed on a typical overcast late winters day a small break in the cloud cover allowed the sun to shine through, into her room. It may have only been for a minute or so, but somehow felt just the way it should have been.
I am one of those odd beings, who learnt at a young age, that it was always best to never show emotions. So I did as I always have done and buried the emotions associated with it, deep inside. I didn't grieve in the traditional sense, I just carried on focusing on the practicalities of what needed to be done.
Each year a few of the bubbles of those, long buried, bubbling emotions escape. Each time leaving me both relieved that her passing meant she was no longer suffering, but more often along with increasing guilt about how I would talk about her prior to her final diagnosis and the way I behaved afterwards at a time when my sister needed me to be a more normal person.
Those little bubbles burst and disperse, and I return to my normal, with the rest of those emotions tightly locked away for another year.
So yes grief tinged with relief, but all tangled up with guilt.
All the best for your new role tomorrow, I hope it is as fulfilling and as successful as the one you have just finished.
Good fortunes Mr bear to yourself, your hubby, and family.
Hope the new job is exactly what you are hoping it will be. Really enjoyed reading this today. I had a difficult relationship with my mother but, when she died 10 years ago now, it was as you said a strange mixture of grief and relief. No more anxious, difficult phone calls but also some guilt and frustration at how circumstances had made my mother the way she was.
Thanks for posting such an open, honest piece about how things are for you right now, Bear. 'Grelief' is a great word, one that I identify with along with others who have responded.
I wish you the best for this next chapter in your life and, of course, all good things for your mother and your wider family.
What an honest reflection and thank you for sharing your feelings of grief and relief. As someone who has been manipulated by experts I know that feeling of "with one bound he was free." Then feeling guilty. It will pass.
Well done Bear...and here's to the future - new work minus those angry phone messages from across the 🌍. Good to hear your mum is also forging her new positive path
Wishing you every success in your new job and the new chapter unfolding in your life. Looking forward to your insights into the chaos we’re living through. Good luck!
Oh Bear! Everything you’ve described sounds perfectly reasonable given past events and your current situation. Wishing you the best for you new role and hoping you’re able to enjoy life to the full.
I appreciate your honesty, Bear. Wishing you the best with the new job—you've got this. That word 'grelief' really resonates; it perfectly describes that tug-of-war between grief and relief that I felt going through the same thing last year.
Thank you so much for sharing your very honest and very human self with us Bear.
I think i may understand the relief that you feel now - having felt the same at the passing of my mother years ago. I think all we go through in life can teach us something if we are willing to learn from it, and that frees us up to maybe be better wiser humans.
Wishing you a happy new job day for tomorrow, and for everything else too! xx
Applaud your honesty as always. Look forward to your next stage dear Bear. It will be good to see what happens. Be thinking of you tomorrow as you saunter forth into the next phase. I shall be clapping vociferously from the sidelines as always
My thoughts are with you as you navigate the calmer waters of these new chapters of your life. I wish you well in your 'real life', and luck and fulfilment in your new job.
I think that at times of major changes in one's life and that certainly includes the loss of a family member, honesty with yourself is essential. Without that honesty there is little chance of resolving the complex emotions that can arise, particularly when the dynamic might not be that of the "perfect" family that so many can convince themselves they have. Seems to me you have negotiated this phase in a very honest manner which bodes well for you and yours.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes with your next chapter.
Good luck for tomorrow. A new chapter for you, in more than one way.
I wish you good luck for this new job & what it will bring to you.
I really do understand that place you're in right now, for exactly the same reasons as yourself I found myself breathing a bit easier and felt as though an invisible weight had dropped from my shoulders when my mother died.
I'm very aware as you will be that it sounds callous to most other people but I just think over the years you have to develop an emotional detachment to survive.
Good luck Bear, you're a good and decent man
Thank you Bear for yet another excellent message.
Relief is not a word I would have thought of, but with the anniversary of my mother's death last Friday, it is still one which accurately describes how I felt 9 years later. Thankfully, unlike your father she was a wonderfully supportive mom, but the last decade of her life were not good, and particularly the last couple of years were hard for my sister and I (more so my sister). During those last couple of years there were plenty of conversations between myself and my sister about mom, with quite a number not being particularly complimentary, as her illness progressed and her condition deteriorated.
At the end of March 2017 she was diagnosed with inoperable cancer of the duodenum and spent her last week in Arrowe Park hospital, passing away in a side room late in the afternoon of the 6th. A moment in life that I will never forget, partly because her final moment were horrible, but mainly because the moment she passed on a typical overcast late winters day a small break in the cloud cover allowed the sun to shine through, into her room. It may have only been for a minute or so, but somehow felt just the way it should have been.
I am one of those odd beings, who learnt at a young age, that it was always best to never show emotions. So I did as I always have done and buried the emotions associated with it, deep inside. I didn't grieve in the traditional sense, I just carried on focusing on the practicalities of what needed to be done.
Each year a few of the bubbles of those, long buried, bubbling emotions escape. Each time leaving me both relieved that her passing meant she was no longer suffering, but more often along with increasing guilt about how I would talk about her prior to her final diagnosis and the way I behaved afterwards at a time when my sister needed me to be a more normal person.
Those little bubbles burst and disperse, and I return to my normal, with the rest of those emotions tightly locked away for another year.
So yes grief tinged with relief, but all tangled up with guilt.
All the best for your new role tomorrow, I hope it is as fulfilling and as successful as the one you have just finished.
Good fortunes Mr bear to yourself, your hubby, and family.
Hope the new job is exactly what you are hoping it will be. Really enjoyed reading this today. I had a difficult relationship with my mother but, when she died 10 years ago now, it was as you said a strange mixture of grief and relief. No more anxious, difficult phone calls but also some guilt and frustration at how circumstances had made my mother the way she was.
Thanks for posting such an open, honest piece about how things are for you right now, Bear. 'Grelief' is a great word, one that I identify with along with others who have responded.
I wish you the best for this next chapter in your life and, of course, all good things for your mother and your wider family.
What an honest reflection and thank you for sharing your feelings of grief and relief. As someone who has been manipulated by experts I know that feeling of "with one bound he was free." Then feeling guilty. It will pass.
Well done Bear...and here's to the future - new work minus those angry phone messages from across the 🌍. Good to hear your mum is also forging her new positive path
Become more human??!!
I sincerely hope not my wonderful Ursus.
Stay as interspecial as you currently are please.
I want no more of this "put me in a neatly labelled box" twaddle from you, do you hear?
Best of luck in the new career swerve.
positive thoughts,
you can & will contribute wherever you work.
I look forward to your input into my thought processes.
Wishing you every success in your new job and the new chapter unfolding in your life. Looking forward to your insights into the chaos we’re living through. Good luck!
Oh Bear! Everything you’ve described sounds perfectly reasonable given past events and your current situation. Wishing you the best for you new role and hoping you’re able to enjoy life to the full.
I appreciate your honesty, Bear. Wishing you the best with the new job—you've got this. That word 'grelief' really resonates; it perfectly describes that tug-of-war between grief and relief that I felt going through the same thing last year.
Thank you so much for sharing your very honest and very human self with us Bear.
I think i may understand the relief that you feel now - having felt the same at the passing of my mother years ago. I think all we go through in life can teach us something if we are willing to learn from it, and that frees us up to maybe be better wiser humans.
Wishing you a happy new job day for tomorrow, and for everything else too! xx
Applaud your honesty as always. Look forward to your next stage dear Bear. It will be good to see what happens. Be thinking of you tomorrow as you saunter forth into the next phase. I shall be clapping vociferously from the sidelines as always
Dearest Bear,
My thoughts are with you as you navigate the calmer waters of these new chapters of your life. I wish you well in your 'real life', and luck and fulfilment in your new job.
With love,
Pennys-from-Devon
I think that at times of major changes in one's life and that certainly includes the loss of a family member, honesty with yourself is essential. Without that honesty there is little chance of resolving the complex emotions that can arise, particularly when the dynamic might not be that of the "perfect" family that so many can convince themselves they have. Seems to me you have negotiated this phase in a very honest manner which bodes well for you and yours.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes with your next chapter.