Boris Johnson: Rewriting History Won't Save You

Exposing the Lies, Failures, and Fantasies Johnson Wants You to Forget – and Why I'm Absolutely Not Having It

Morning all,

Day two of sinusitis here, and if you’d told me yesterday I’d be in a worse mood today, I wouldn’t have believed you. But then I saw Boris Johnson crawling out from under his rock to promote his latest bit of literary landfill, Unleashed*, and suddenly, I feel so much worse.

Among the usual horseshit Johnson spouts to sell a few copies (like somehow unapologising for things), he’s still clutching desperately onto the claim that the UK’s vaccine rollout was a glorious Brexit victory, because apparently, that lie hasn’t been rinsed enough yet. But let’s not pussyfoot around this:

Johnson is flat-out wrong.

Again.

"But how, Bear?", I hear you say?

I am so very happy you asked.

🔴 We Were Still Following EU Law When We Approved the Vaccines

Let’s start with the inconvenient truth Johnson doesn’t want you to hear: when the UK approved its vaccines, we were still under EU law. Yes, Johnson, while you were busy puffing your chest and pretending we’d "taken back control," the UK was still in the Brexit transition period. And guess what? We used the European Medicines Agency’s emergency provisions to fast-track the vaccine, just like any EU country could have. So, no, this wasn’t some triumph of British sovereignty. It was just another day of playing by the EU’s rules - a fact that Johnson very conveniently glosses over.

🔴 The MHRA’s Been Around Forever - Brexit Didn’t Change a Thing

Now, Johnson loves to imply that our vaccine success came from "post-Brexit regulatory freedom", but here’s the reality: the Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) has always been around. It could have fast-tracked the vaccines whether we were in the EU or not. Leaving the EU didn’t suddenly make the MHRA faster, better, or smarter. Johnson claiming that Brexit gave us some kind of regulatory superpower is the same level of delusion that brought us “£350 million for the NHS.”

🔴 The EU Wasn’t Exactly Struggling

Sure, the UK was a few weeks ahead in the vaccine rollout, and Boris has clung to those few weeks like they were a bloody miracle. But here’s the thing: the EU wasn’t far behind. This wasn’t some triumph of British exceptionalism - it was timing. A few weeks does most patently not a Brexit miracle make. But of course, Johnson is trying to frame this as if leaving the EU meant we had the vaccine years before anyone else. We just didn’t. In the grand scheme of things, the gap was negligible. But never let the facts get in the way of a good fairy tale, eh Johnson?

🔴 Vaccines Came From Global Supply Chains, Not Some Brexit Fantasy

Then there’s the little fact that vaccines didn’t just appear out of thin air in the UK because we’d “taken back control.” The vaccine success came from global supply chains - international cooperation, which included EU countries. We were part of a global effort, and no amount of Brexit bravado changes that. Pretending we were plucky little Britain, bravely standing alone, saving lives while the EU floundered, is nothing more than Johnson doing what he does best: lying through his damned teeth.

Now Let’s Talk About Where Boris Actually Screwed Up COVID Response

While Johnson is quick to cling to this myth of vaccine rollout brilliance, he very conveniently leaves out the endless, relentless string of fuck-ups that really defined his COVID strategy:

🔴 Skipping COBRA Meetings – Dereliction of Duty: At the height of the emerging COVID-19 crisis, Johnson decided it would be a great time to not attend five crucial COBRA meetings. For context, these meetings are where the government makes national security and crisis decisions - exactly the kind of thing a Prime Minister is supposed to be leading. But Johnson was MIA, dodging the responsibility of actually running the country when it mattered most. His absence set the tone for his entire COVID response disinterested, delayed, and disastrously behind the curve.

🔴 Lockdown Delay – Costing Thousands of Lives: The UK didn’t bother with its first lockdown until late March 2020, weeks after other countries had already acted decisively. Johnson and his team dithered while cases surged, as if watching a slow-motion disaster unfold. The catastrophic delay? It cost thousands of lives. But sure, let’s all pretend the vaccine rollout makes up for that and give Johnson a round of applause.

🔴 The PPE Disaster: While Johnson loves to trumpet the vaccine success, he’s rather quiet when it comes to PPE. His government’s handling of Personal Protective Equipment was a masterclass in incompetence. Frontline workers were left scrambling for basic gear while the government dished out multimillion-pound contracts to luxury fashion brands and pest control companies - because, apparently, that made sense at the time. Brilliant leadership all around.

🔴 Test and Trace Debacle: Then came the Test and Trace system, which Johnson promised would be "world-beating." It turned out to be world-beating in the sense that it beat the world record for failure. After pouring £37 billion into this black hole, the system still couldn’t keep up with the spread of the virus. Oddly enough, Johnson rarely mentions this on his book tour.

🔴 The Care Home Catastrophe: Perhaps the most tragic failure: the government’s decision to discharge COVID-positive patients back into care homes without testing. This genius move turned care homes into death traps, with thousands of elderly residents paying the price. Yet Johnson still expects a pat on the back for his "leadership." Unbelievable.

🔴 Partygate – A Complete Mockery of His Own Rules: While the public followed strict lockdown rules, missing funerals and family events, Johnson and his Number 10 cronies were busy hosting boozy gatherings. The hypocrisy was staggering. While people grieved in isolation, Johnson was having a good laugh at Downing Street. But yes, let’s talk about how he supposedly saved us all with the vaccine.

🔴 Mixed Messaging: Johnson’s government was notorious for its mixed messaging. One minute it was "Stay Home, Protect the NHS," then suddenly it was "Stay Alert" - whatever that actually meant. The constant shifting of guidelines left the public completely baffled, which wasn’t just inconvenient - it likely made the virus spread faster. But hey, vague slogans are a Johnson speciality.

🔴 The Eat Out to Help Out Scheme: Who could forget the brilliant idea to push people back into crowded restaurants during a pandemic? The "Eat Out to Help Out" scheme, spearheaded by Rishi Sunak and cheerily backed by Johnson, actively helped spread the virus while giving the economy a very temporary bump (and costing it in the long run). The result? Another wave of infections. But let’s not dwell on the details.

🔴 Failure to Close Borders: Johnson also took his sweet damned time to close the borders, allowing flights from high-risk countries to pour in for weeks after the risks were well-known. Other countries managed to lock things down, but not the UK, oh no. Infected travellers kept coming, bringing new variants with them. Another glaring oversight, but hey, what’s one more in the long list?

🔴 Second and Third Lockdown Failures: After bungling the first lockdown, you’d think Johnson would have learned. But no, why would he? He dragged his feet on subsequent lockdowns, waiting until cases were completely out of control again before finally acting. The dithering cost yet more lives, but Johnson refused to take decisive action until it was far too late. Once again, great leadership.

🔴 The Schools U-Turn: In January 2021, Johnson proudly declared that schools were "safe" and would stay open. A day later, after public outrage, he reversed course and closed them. This last-minute scramble left families and schools in total chaos and utterly shattered any confidence in the government’s decision-making. But it wouldn’t be Johnson without a good U-turn, would it?

🔴 Ignoring Scientific Advice – The Vallance/Whitty Divide: Turns out, having the country’s top scientists telling you what to do only works if you actually listen to them. Sir Patrick Vallance and Professor Chris Whitty spent months pushing for earlier, stricter measures to stop COVID from running wild, but Johnson decided to ignore them. The COVID Inquiry revealed that their advice was often shrugged off or delayed. So, while Vallance and Whitty were busy trying to save lives, Johnson was far more concerned about his political image. Nice priorities there.

🔴 Lockdown Tug of War: It wasn’t just about the advice - it was about when to act on it. Vallance and Whitty were clear from the start: act early, lock down hard. Johnson, however, dragged his feet like he was trying to win a prize for procrastination. The scientists argued for stronger measures, while Johnson mulled over the political fallout. The result? Delayed lockdowns that let the virus do a merry dance across the country. If only Johnson had spent as much time listening to scientists as he did to his own echo chamber.

🔴 The “Let It Rip” Fiasco: The infamous "herd immunity" moment. While Vallance and Whitty were waving red flags about the virus, Johnson reportedly considered just letting it "wash through the population." Brilliant strategy, really - just stand back and let it rip. Vallance even had to publicly deny that herd immunity was ever official policy. This little brainwave only widened the gap between the scientists and Johnson’s chaotic approach, leaving the experts frustrated and, well, everyone else screwed.

🔴 Undermining Public Confidence: You’d think that during a pandemic, backing your scientific advisors would be a no-brainer. But no, Johnson was far too busy throwing out mixed messages. One minute he’d parrot Vallance and Whitty’s advice, the next he’d undermine them by downplaying the severity of the virus. It was like watching a tennis match of confusion. The COVID Inquiry didn’t mince words: Johnson’s flip-flopping shattered public trust and left people unsure which rules to follow. Turns out, contradicting the experts on live TV isn’t the best way to handle a public health crisis. Who knew?

Johnson didn’t just fail to help the UK's COVID response - he actively did everything he could to hinder it. From missing crucial COBRA meetings to delaying lockdowns and ignoring scientific advice, he let his ego and political calculations drive the ship straight into the iceberg. He wasn’t leading a nation; he was playing catch-up, fumbling at every turn while hundreds of thousands of people in this country paid the price.

And now, as he hits the book circuit to rehash his greatest hits of excuses and self-congratulation, let’s never forget the reality: the vaccine rollout wasn’t a Brexit triumph, it was a product of global cooperation and EU frameworks - things Johnson has spent years trying to tear down. His leadership didn’t save lives, it prolonged the crisis, undermined public confidence, and left us worse off than we needed to be.

Unleashed? No, no, no. More like Unraveled, Untrustworthy, and Unfit for Leadership

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Footnotes:

*Don't buy his book, buy mine instead. Out 31 October. Unlike Johnson’s version of events, mine won’t rewrite history - pre-orders are open now.